I am so tired of staying strong.
I am so tired of pretence.
I am so tired of myself.

It's been such a long while since i've had so much thoughts accumulated in me, and it seems like keeping them in isn't helping me; an internal explosion is bound to occur.

I can't believe how silly I was to describe myself as 'chearful' during elections day. Other than the intended pun that it sounded like 'cheerful' and people always deem me to be the 'positive' and 'sweet' girl, I never was able to convince my soul about that superficial 'positive' vibe that I somehow (and have no idea how) exude.

Wtheck. I'm totally flabbergasted. Chearmin, why are you such a joke. Also, it seems that my willpower have spiralled to an all-time low, and by that - I REALLY MEAN IT. I literally want to give up on assignments, tasks, responsibilities, education, including myself. I find it so hard to even stay strong anymore.
And the worst part is that I can't even identify what's the reason that's plaguing me this way.

I'm hitting the rocks and I'm dying. My very ounce of soul wants to cry and scream 'ENOUGH OF THIS, I JUST WANT TO STOP'. But no, life and time just goes on and on and on. It waits for no man, and I might just be eliminated from the race soon enough.
I just need more reasons to hold onto my life and remind myself that i'm good as an individual.

I feel so disgusted even writing about good points about myself.

Please take this pain from me... I'm so tired from this eternal race. I... might just slip and fall away.